Lady Trousers
by BakerPieMaker
Summary: London is taken by surprise when Mrs. Lovett decides to wear trouser, and nicley fit ones at that!
1. Chapter 1

**The Lady Trousers**

"**DAMN**? _THIS RETCHED DRESS_! I can't get anything done with this full skirt always catching every_ bloody edge that I walk by_!" The customer that came into the shop this dreary rainy morning stopped eating when I tripped throwing his gin at 'em.

"Um... Miss..." He started nervously.

"What!" SaysI as I got off that dusty floor, and inta a sittin cross legged way.

Taken back he sat straighter and straighten his tie. "Well Miss, I am a tailor that just opened shop, and I was working on a new kind of clothing. Something that you might take interest in. It is a type of trousers. Except better fit to enhance features of a woman's beautiful body, and far more useful than the popular full body skirt."

"Well I 'ave been known ta be of the fashion forward sorts." I said all in a flattery to ma self.

"Then will you madame accompany my to my shop to get you measured and fitted?" He said finally relaxing inta the ragged cushions of the booth.

I hiked up my damn skirt inta ma arms and walked inta the back parlor ta grab ma purse. "'Ow much willit cost?" I called back counting the coins.

"Nothing at all my kind lady. It will be of no charge because it will be of a tester to see how much attention you will get with said trousers.".

I dropped my purse back on ta the chair and walked back to ta shop "Fine, lets go"

I grabbed my coat from the rack and flipped the sign to close, and as we walked outside to lock the door I looked upstairs a thinking if Mr. T will wonder were I went... But, knowing that man for as long as I 'ave he won't notice ma absence for a bit.

We walked to his shop which wasn't as prideful as mine, but did have a cutsie little sign saying 'e was open and that his name was 'Oliver Chide the tailor'. Maybe he doesn't know what 'e talking about after all. I looked back at my shop and shrugged Well 'er i'nt any custamers anyhoo.

He walked and I found the place ta be quite furnished in fine silks and cotton. "Oh, Mr Chide this is a very most pleasant 'ome ya 'ave 'ere".

'E laughed an told me ta sit down as he get 'is measuring tape. When he finally got my measurement and written all down he told me ta come back tomorrow. I bid 'em a good day and went off in my way.

I opened the door and flipped back the sign just as Mista a started ascending the stairs.

He walked through the door in all in a hurried but still patient way. " were have you been?"

I grabbed my rolling pin, and started the doe. "Oh, 'ello Mista T. I've been getting a new ting fo ma self. Something a little less bothersome then this dress."

"What could you possible substitute a dress for then another dress" He said alittle confused.

"Well mista .T there item of clothing I will be wearing is a very fit pair or trousers...", He stared off for a bit before relpying "Like Judge Turpin's..."

"Judge turpin's what?"

"judge Turpin's trousers"

"No Judge T seamstress is that kind Madison girl"

"the one that reminds me of a lamb"

"Why on earth does she remind ya of a lamb, Mista T"

"She's very... bouncy and happy... like a lamb..."

"..."

"Oh, you can't hold that against me I was in Austrailia for 15 years"

"Right dear, now then I will get back to baking the pies and you get back to kil- shaving"

He turned around and walked out of ta door in a hurry to fight of that...um...odd scene.

Another day came to a conclusion and I brought up Mista T's food. Mista T sulked in a corner from thinking of Lucy and that odd conversation including pants. I put Toby to bed... Wait no. Gin put Toby ta bed. I butchered up the rest of those bodies after I flipped the open sign ta closed. Washed up, and went ta bed.

When morning finally came around and got ready to go to the tailors to gather up my pant.

"Morning Mr. Chide are ma trousers ready" I said all in a giddy mood. "Righto I got them ready now I just have to fit them...

Well that wasnt my favorite part the the getting of trousers, because of information I will not give out to the public... hn... Anyhoo!

The pants fit perfect! I gave shape to me butt and my legs looked long and slender I gave Mr. chide a hug in all my extacy, and left without further ado. As I walked down the street and back to my shop to get it all ready for the day.I bent down to get out some newly baked pie, and looked back and see that 7 or so buisness men were perching on my door step waiting. I waved them in not sure why they did'nt just come in by them selves, and why there were so many. "Early risers, eh?", I relied with a smile. "Yes, Mam we came for o bite o your scrumptous pie.. mam." One of the men said with o bit of persperation on is brow. Poor dear, wonder why he's sweating.

I took all there monies and handed out the pies, and started listening to the sweet music of people enjoying my cooking when ma tima dinged and I bent down to get my pies out. Suddenly all noise stopped. I got up and looked behind me to see all those men staring at my bum. I turned around, and smiled, "anyone else care for another pie" they all nodded in unsion.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thankye all ya loves, and stuff. This ain't much but i works. 'ope ya like it!_

After the morning rush it was clear to see that my Lady Trousers caused much more attention then I bargined for, but all is well when ya think of it. I don't even think that i'll 'ave ta open shop for the rest 'o them gentalmen. I got all Mista T's food all a set up on 'is tray and walked upstairs worry free of any sharpe edges, and snages.

"Evening, Mista T" I called as the door bell a jingled.

"Lovett" He greeted from his chair which was inconvinently faced away from me.

"So love, 'ow was the customers today"

"no one came up..."

"surly there must of. We had the most customers since very in history"

"No, I've been watching"

I set the tray down on his vanity table "Well, that's proboly why Mista T. They musta tought you was a creeper. Poor dearies look up to see a very pale man with messy hair a staring down on ya. I would'nt want to go get shaved either" I said pooring out his tea and fixing in the honey.

"Are you saying , that I should'nt watch outside"

" Maybe Mista T, but more importantly you should sleep"

" Sleep is for the weak"

" How bout I give you Toby's remedy"

" How bout.." Suddenly he stoped

"How bout wot?" I says turning around to see Sweeney looking quite blushy.

"Mista T?" Nope, he just kept blinking inta space.

"Mista T, are you listening ta me?" You could have an easier time talking to a wall.

"Mista T you might wanna shut ya mouth the are some pesky bugs about" Suddenly he shuck.

"Oh, must of... must of... thats a lovely outfit there ..." He said breathy.

I wanted to giggle like a lil girl I did, but I kept ma charm.

"'Er ya go Mista T here's ya lunchun" I says handing over his tray. I bent down to grab up his old tray to hear a groan.

"Somthin wrong, dear" He looked up at ma face in innocence

"No, notta thing" I smiled, and was about to walk outside when the idea hit me.

"Mista T, when you get done with ya lunchun can ya take ya laundry downstairs, and sweep the bakery it's awfully messy and I gotta go to the market? I mean, if you'll be so kind" I say as I batted ma eye lashes. He nodded absentmindedly, and I walked downstairs a whistleing.

When I got done preparing the pies, and washing the dishes; I went upstair to tell Sweeney I'd be off to the market, But when I opened the door he wasnt anywhere in sight.

"Mista T, were you go off ta?" I walked downstairs, and hurried off inta ma shop.

As I closed ma door and walked through the house I herd a splashing down in the washroom.

Wot in bloody 'ell was that? I creeped downstair to the washroom and pressed my ear to the door

" God All mighty how in the world does she do this!"

The fimiliar voice said in a gruff, and agitated way. I opened the door to reveal a fully soked and un 'appy looking barber of the name of Sweeny Todd.

"Mista T wot in the 'ell were ya doing in 'ere!" I exclaimed as he sat in the washtub surrounded by all his and mine clothes.

"I was trying to help with the burden of chores" He said through gritted teeth as he moved the clothes violently through the water.

"Love" he looked up as I nodded over to the washboard, "that might 'elp". He threw the last bit of his dry self into the water in total defeat.

"And, dear?"

"Hn..."

"Thanks for the 'elp!" And off I was to go to the market!

_If yeh 'ave any ideas that would be hilarious i would be 'appy ta write, but if ya don't then i will just keep going wit wot i had. Review please!_


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